We're often told to "find your identity in Christ alone" so that we don't take our need for validation to other, false substitutes. I think that's a good idea; but I think most of us don't get the follow-up conversation we need on this issue.
For example, "What the heck does that mean? How am I supposed to 'find my identity only in Christ?' Do I pray more? - Try harder to think how much God loves me when I feel wounded?"
How do you obtain an "in Christ alone" identity?" Here are two things that come to me:
1. It's about being a daughter or a son, first. More than what we can offer the world by means of our giftedness or calling, we first rest in, then offer our identity as sons and daughters of God. This is often particularly difficult for me, as I want you to tell me how much what I do for you means. I want to find validation in how much you respect me as a writer and teacher. But this can never, no matter how much our gifts are genuinely needed, heal our identities. We must find confidence in our identities as sons and daughers, first.
2. It's about hearing our new name. Abram becomes 'Abraham.' Jacob becomes 'Israel.' Saul becomes 'Paul.' The new name expresses your new identity, uniqueness, and what you mean to God in a way that no one else does. It is your particularity. Hearing your new name helps heal the wounds -- those blows that were designed to take you out of play and to prevent you from offering what the world needs from you. As for me, I remember God whispering, "Jim, you are my Aragorn." He may not ever whisper that to you, but he knew what it would mean for me to hear that.
Listen, daughter or son, and rest there.
Then listen for your new name. It is waiting for you.