Author Jim Robbins-BLOG - Comments

Jim Robbins comments on How do others respond to your suffering?

Jim Robbins — Wed, 22 May 2013 11:18:36 +0000

Hey Mark,

I totally get what you're saying. I"m sorry there have been some guys that make it about their own pain when you've really needed their strong and listening ear. Guys have such a need to fix things, rather than trusting the Holy Spirit to release the good in the other man's heart.

Sadly, I've been guilty of turning the conversation back to me; allowing my own pain to dictate the conversation, when it should have been about the other guy at that point.

It does get tiring and frustrating.

Mark H comments on How do others respond to your suffering?

Mark H — Mon, 20 May 2013 22:03:29 +0000

Often times when sharing an emotional trauma or just something I am upset about....the person I am trusting with that feeling makes it about them. Next thing I know I am listening to there "problems". I think I am able to draw out emotion from people but all too often my story is cut short because I feel they don't really care and just want an ear to listen to them. I confess I am often guilty of this as well. Often times people confide in me and I am triggered by a memory and I can't help myself from Sharing it. My desire is to listen well and to share emotion well when needed. Perhaps The Lord will open that door for me as I believe this is a part of my character flaws that need development. I think men's hearts would be more fulfilled if they felt heard and understood. My fear is that the issues of other men will become a burden if the listening it not reciprocated. That has happened to me before.

Jim Robbins comments on How do others respond to your suffering?

Jim Robbins — Thu, 16 May 2013 21:05:08 +0000

Wow: I can so identify with how you are feeling. You have a right to feel angry and disillusioned - even abandoned in a way. It seems to me that finding community where people have the will and strength to suffer with each other is rare. My wife and I have found this to be sadly so.

For me, we continue to pray for community where empathy and non-judgmental compassion are cornerstones. Where people know how to fight for each others' hearts. That's what we are searching for and pray for with great urgency. I'm convinced it's possible, though rare, because I've experienced glimpses of it.

I'm really sorry the Church isn't being Emmanual, "God with us," for you.

someone comments on How do others respond to your suffering?

someone — Thu, 16 May 2013 20:22:45 +0000

True but all too rare. I have found another common response to suffering is: avoidance. I am going through a terrible trial right now. Many people have abandoned me including people who I actually thought of as friends. People feel this stupid need to try and fix it. I never ask them to, I never want them to. But most of them can't stand it if they can't fix it. So, an even more painful way they deal instead of directly blaming you is... avoid you. Stop returning your calls, stop answering your email. Give you polite smiles or just the cold shoulder when they see you.

I know we can only handle so much of another's pain, and sometimes it's necessary to step away for a while. But you could at least tell the friend, "I need to step back from this. I'm feeling overwhelmed. I have too many of my own problems and I'm feeling pulled down by yours." That really would be better than avoidance.

It really is sad to me that people need to be told any of this. I don't understand what's so hard about it. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm just sick to death of people making excuses for their relational failures ("don't depend on people, they'll always let you down, only God is perfect") instead of admitting when they let someone down, get up, and try again.

JENN comments on Grace and royalty have the right to you claim you: A lesson from "Kingdom of Heaven."

JENN — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 11:32:39 +0000

I've never blogged before but might like to try, however, might like to try. I did like what you had to say here but wanted to make a comment about something you said in your book Recover Your Wounded Heart.
Not sure if this is the correct forum, but heerre it goes.
On p. 133-134 you recall anincident. I relate to the assuming part. In the 80"s I got in trouble at work and when I was trying to explain to my boss I used the word assume. My boss said, "You know what assuming does.....it makes an ass out of you and me....just lately in my readings I came across the thought that this is one way the enemy gets to us....so its interesting to read your thoughts about this.
However, this is not my main reasone for writing. It was your comment about ...It's common knowledge...towards the end of the page. Thought I would throw this out....I was tvery quiet, unassertive, unopionated, depressed, and ruminated alot. I read as much as I could trying to
"fix ." I took Psychology seriously, however, I really believed The Word was the truth and it would set me free. But thought it was my responsibilty to change myself. One day I came to see or belive that good communication was how people got well. I believed what psychological research said regarding the 80-90 % of communication being body language. I came to believe that before I took communication 101. However, I think I'm changing my mind. I've been married for a little over 38 years. It has been full of struggles. I think my communication has improved but now I'm very talkative at times and as my husband says I don't "take a pause." "i'm much more vocal (only with my husband) when I'm upset, and will usually say "I don't like how you're talking to me or I don't like your tone." I used to stuff it (at times still do) but I think I'm better. The big thing is I'm not so resentfull...I think many times my anger turned into bitterness...which is a very miserable place to be. That could be another whole converstion in itself as it relates to "sin."
Now I'm getting to my main point about your comment on p. 133 about the 90%. We've been separated a number of times over the years as he was in the reserves and then active duty. HOwever, the last two times we've really used the computer to communicate. I joke with people that we have great converstions because we can't see each others body language or interrupt
each other. We're forced to hear/listen to what each other is saying and not be thinking about what we want to say or reacting to a red button word, a tone, a facial expression. I've come to believe that what I thought was anger regarding my husband has been a huge amount of fear and hurteven though he looks and sounds very angry. Part of my reaction, I think, goes back to my father's anger...my sisters and I and I'm sure my mother were very afraid of him when he was angry. I handled it by avoiding him which worked...his anger was not vocal...I don't think he had learned how to express himself. Plus I believe because of his religious beliefs that he believed it ws a sin to be angry so he let the anger build up and then he exploded. All that to say that my way of handling anger was to avoid which did not work at all with my husband. I can remember when we were first married, him saying, "how can you sit there as cool as a cucmber," when I was actually petrified and had no words in my head." Now I have lots of words, but believe arging is not the answer and get confused. Body language and being reactionary gets in the way of us hearing what each other is saying. Both of us, especially me, have a hard getting past our feelings, not being defensive, and letting go...all of which interfers with communication. He has a much better since of humour than I do, but my sence of humor has seemed to come out when emailing.
I hope you've been able to follow my thoughts...it's hard to go back in this forum to edit etc.
Plus I don't want to take the time right now....I'ld rather just blirt it out and go from there....I write as I think...so I have lots of run on sentences which I'm sure is why it's difficult to follow me when I'm talking. Plus I overthink and analize....I've already put in over an hour.
I've been really wanting to touch base as I'm so excited about your podcasts, your book, and people you've interviewed. Obviously I have bought your book plus two more...one of which I'm sending to my husbamd. I also listen to Growing In Grace and am starting to watch Mcvey's videos of 101 Lies. My husband says I'm a seeker...which used to upset me till I asked him what he meant by that...which turned out to meansomething different than what I thought he meant. I have been seeking/searching the last few years for anything on grace I could find. A few years ago I came across Joseph Prince which really set me on fire. However, through Truface (which I got from church) and seaching things out on the internet i found you, Growing in Grace, and Mcvey. Initially, I was very excited about The Cure but as I've looked into it I feel it's developed around looking at and talking about sin....I've been down that road and it made me very introspective and depressed. So I'm very excited about finding some people here in the US (as Joseph Prince and The New Creation Church are in Singapore), that I can communicate with; that started dialogueig and putting into words (about the same time I began my search persueing the grace message) that I didn't have, but believed and had been trying to make sence of.
One last thing....YOu had a number of blogs with GAry from Brave Heart which I also looked in to; Have you ever done anything with his program. I'm seriously looking at doing the online program.
I also ordered your study guide for Recover Your Good Heart. I'm extremely excited and hopeful about what The Lord has in store for me.
The really last thing...a week or so ago when I was leaving my sisters and my little niece who is seven or so ( but looks like she is 4-5) started out running after her brother who is about three times her size ( they race down the sidewalk to try and keep up with the car).....said, "Good by, and "Be brave." Isn't that wonderful.
Thank you so much for taking the time to develop the Real grace messsage.

After all this I hope I click the right buttons so you get it :).

Jim Robbins comments on Why the "Correct their stinking thinking" model doesn't always help.

Jim Robbins — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 22:56:33 +0000

Hey Lily,

So glad it helped. I've finally learned after more than 4 decades that walking with God is not the same thing as leaning on formulas and assumptions. His ways of healing are often very creative: When the guy fell out of the upper story window where Paul was speaking, the Spirit literally moved Paul to place his body on top of the dead man.... Which at first seemed bizarre, but it makes sense that in order for the healing of Christ to pass from Paul's body to the dead man's, more points of contact were needed than just a gentle touch on the guy's shoulder!

Lily comments on Why the "Correct their stinking thinking" model doesn't always help.

Lily — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 22:47:10 +0000

What an amazing story! I see how amazing it is just to go straight to Jesus and ask Him to enter into the situation and bring healing as only He can. That helps me a lot! I am so used to thinking in terms of God always being about judging or 'correcting' me, it's sometimes hard to see that He is really just about loving me and healing me in whatever way is most helpful and won't hurt my heart. Thank you for sharing this!

Jim Robbins comments on Why the "Correct their stinking thinking" model doesn't always help.

Jim Robbins — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 12:15:58 +0000

Hi Lily. thanks for connecting. You're absolutely right: Many times we do need a correction for our thinking. I, too, have found reading particular authors very helpful as I've discovered my new identity and worth. But God often brought those books to me when I couldn't hear it from friends. He brought the truth from those books to me when I was ready to hear.

What I was referring to in the post was that many people use the "correct thinking model" ONLY; or at a time when the other person just isn't ready to hear it; or they hand it out like a prescription without thinking.

Yet, there may be something blocking a person's healing that isn't revealed by telling a person, "Don't think like that."

For example, I heard a story of a woman who couldn't stop collecting teddy bears. Teddy bear plates, pillows, blankets, and more teddy bears themselves. Every corner of the house, every surface was covered with teddy bears. She had gone into counseling because she was up around 400 + teddy bears at that point and it was causing her marriage to suffer, though her husband was trying to be understanding.

When her friends, who knew how to pray, sat quietly and asked Jesus what was going on, he revealed a memory to her. A horrible and painful one, of being a little girl and watching her father, in a fit of rage, rip the head off of her only teddy bear.

Her friends didn't then, tell her, "You should be thinking teddy bears are the solution to your pain." They asked Jesus to come into that little girl's [woman's] fear and heal it. And it did.

Hope that helps. You brought up a great point.

...Jim Robbins

Lily comments on Why the "Correct their stinking thinking" model doesn't always help.

Lily — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 00:25:23 +0000

Just focusing on my identity in Christ, that I'm righteous and complete already, has helped me a lot and brought healing emotionally and physically to me. Is this the same as correcting wrong thinking or is that different? I read some books by Jim Richards, and as I was reading it was like Jesus suddenly highlighted one major thing that He wanted me to see, for example, that I was righteous and approved (that helped get rid of my shame that I put on myself for just having a problem/sickness), and then another time it was that I was already complete and normal (that helped me to see I wasn't messed up but was already okay as a new creation). I didn't know if this was similar to the 'correct wrong thinking' idea or not. I would like to know other ways to see healing and etc. thank you for any input you have!

Jim Robbins comments on Why the "Correct their stinking thinking" model doesn't always help.

Jim Robbins — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 23:32:43 +0000

Hey Judy,

I know what you mean. I, too, have related to people under this model. Thank God there are other ways we can connect that are more fruitful and restorative.

Judy comments on Why the "Correct their stinking thinking" model doesn't always help.

Judy — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 22:50:56 +0000

Well said! I've been guilty of this in the past and groan when I think about it!

Jim Robbins comments on Why the "Correct their stinking thinking" model doesn't always help.

Jim Robbins — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 19:14:31 +0000

Hey Warren. You're right on: The Correct Their Thinking model assumes all kinds of things that may or may not be true. It's also a model rooted in the assumption that, "My job is to point out the places where you are unfinished."

Though corrective thinking may necessary [at times], we may not always be the best ones to deliver it. That's why asking Jesus is key to how we should proceed.

Thanks for responding. And...hope you got shoveled out. ;)

Warren Aldrich comments on Why the "Correct their stinking thinking" model doesn't always help.

Warren Aldrich — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 19:05:59 +0000

So well said. Creating an open space as Jesus did on the cross is the loving way to be with someone.
Otherwise I am being arrogant and assuming all sorts of things that surely will not feel like love to my friend.

Jim Robbins comments on You are not at war with yourself.

Jim Robbins — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 16:51:51 +0000

Hey Rocco. Thanks for connecting. Glad the post was helpful.

Rocco comments on You are not at war with yourself.

Rocco — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 16:44:16 +0000

Great Post Jim!!