The erosion of confidence

"You'll never find the life you're looking for."

...But the sabotage begins with the painful accumulation of thoughts like these:

•  "I didn't think it would turn out like this."
•  "I'm tired of getting hurt.  Maybe it's not worth it."
•  "I know you want this for me, God; but how long, Lord.  How long must it take?!"

It is hard, and it does hurt.  A person can get to the point where the only apparent conclusion is: "I'll never find what I'm looking for-- Why do others find the life they want, but I can't? Did I blow it somewhere? Is God angry?  Am I not hearing him?" And once the lies begin to calcify, some part of our heart begins to shut down. Faith, hope, and love drain out of the cheerless and weary heart.

But it feels so true. Our experience of pain can erode our confidence and hope in a way that only our experience of the moment feels true to us -- All other interpretations of reality get blotted out.  Only the subjective is allowed to be true, and any Perspective that stands outside of us is forgotten.  Faith, hope and love give way to tunnel vision... and something in us dies.

"The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives"  - Albert Schweitzer

Jesus, what do you know about our Father's heart here that I need to know?  Where does your confidence come from?

Comments

[Lennart]

Jim, Those words "Did I blow it somewhere? Is God angry? Am I not hearing him?" touch such a nerve in my heart. I was scared to do anything outside the ordinary in my life in case I failed and what would the family and the church think!!. I am 53 and only discovered that failure was not fatal and,I could hear God, some 8 years ago. Glory, I am learning to eat now after drinking spiritual milk for 45 years!

Failure is NOT fatal. Peter (the disciple) fluffed it real good and look at where his name is today.

[Jim Robbins]

So true, Lennart. God gives room to fail --we're just not used to that kind of permission.