A reader's response: "After all this time, why am I still struggling to live from my new heart?"
Wednesday, June 27, 2012 at 12:25PM 
A reader's reaction to my recent post, "Why Do Your Best Is Exactly What the Enemy Wants." Many of you will find her honesty refreshing:
Jim, thank you for what you said in this newsletter. This speaks to part of my struggle. I've been struggling with circumstances lately that have made me feel really bad about my seeming lack of faith. I tried it for 7 years in the system and left. When I found people online showing me better answers, I left the system full of hope at the time.
Now 5 years later, I'm realizing I don't 'get' living IN Christ much better than I ever did. Oh, sure I can talk a good talk about it, but I'm not doing so well at actually walking it. I think what you speak of, learning to live from the new heart, is still a hindrance to many people because we don't believe, deep down, that God really, truly loves us, accepts us, and thinks well of us.
I'm not sure how much time this is supposed to take. You'd think after 5 years I'd 'get it' better, and I've even had other 'outside the box' Christians imply such to me. I'm not sure what the trick is to 'getting it' that God loves and accepts me, but I haven't found the key yet.
Please understand I'm not looking for advice or tips on how to 'get it.' I think I've already heard it all. I guess I just wanted to tell you this because you're a fellow introvert and you do get that. And as an introvert, you're not likely to take a "just do it" fix to a heart problem. Maybe there's some conversation out there to be had on this... maybe I'm not the only one...
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Note: I'll have more to say later on why I think it's so hard to live from our new hearts and what the nature of that battle is.
Reader Comments (1)
I would like to comment on this new post, because if I didn't know any better, I'd think it was written by me. I, too, have been out of the system for about 6yrs and have only wavered twice as to "should I go back" and both times it was "no" Putting that aside I just want to let you know that there are still "seasons" of confidence/not so much confidence/anger/not so much anger and a lot of aloneness. I'm currently facing a lot of depression. Lots of it. Usually, I do sneaky things to fool myself that I'm not, but this time I feel like God wants me to sit and rest here a while. What got me here and what's different is that I just don't want to fight anymore and I'm usually not that way.
Finally accepting that I, too, am an introvert (but I do have to come out of my shell at times) but with a bit of needing to connect.... It's the "needing to connect" that's got me in trouble, because I would pick the wrong people to connect with out of deep desperation and always ended up more disallusioned than ever.
I've decided to work on the inner life that I have had all my life and that I do have a strong "sense of fellowship with God".... Work on it for me, simply means... letting go of the distractions, more. Then I have to remind myself that there's really no work to do that can help me out of this deep, dark, resting hole... except God.
My point, here, and pls be patient as I'm being long winded here... is that I simply surrendered and told God the truth ... brutal at times (and this is ongoing) and waited. Knowing full well He will show up... It's taken about a month or so... but yesterday I cried deeply while watching a movie ?????? So, I just let myself cry. This morning as I was sitting here doing nothing, I really had a strong sense in my gut that Jesus was sitting here infront of me and I sensed His Grace and Loving heart towards me during this hard time...
Do If feel better.............? No. But what I know for sure is that there's nothing right now that I can do other than to ride this out and relax. Huh, relax? No. not for me, but at least I know for sure I'm loved and understood and best of all there's no report card coming!
Take care my friend. One day at a time as they say is more true than we know. Just today. We have just "today". Maybe that's our (?) key to this Grace lesson?