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Entries in love (2)

Sunday
Jun212009

Learning how to handle power

God wants to share his power.  Aptly wielded, power brings transformation and healing to the world.  He has intended to share his power from the very beginning:


"Adam, you may name the great variety of animals on the earth." "Adam and Eve, fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.".

"What!!...are you crazy, God!? Don't give them that invitation; they'll screw it up!" But God risks because he shares.

Children need a sense of power, which must include the capacity for choice. Of course, the limits on that power must be age-appropriate, but stripping a child of power will wound them: "I am your father and you will do exactly as I say!" Left with only one acceptable option, and the threat of punishment if they don't choose that one acceptable option, a child will be stripped of dignity -- because dignity involves the divinely-given capacity for choice.  Power requires choices. 

What our children need to hear is this:

"Not only do you have an option here, you may choose. Of course the consequences will also be yours, but I will never remove either your choices or their consequences. I love you too much."

As Danny Silk suggests in his book, Loving Your Kids On Purpose, when you strip a child of the ability to choose between option A or B, the only way to ensure they comply is through the threat of punishment. ...and that only leads to fear: "If I don't do what mommy or daddy wants, I will disappoint them... or worse."

"Perfect (whole, complete) love casts out fear." Love and fear don't co-exist well.

God is teaching us adults how to use his power, to exercise it well; and I've been afraid of that my whole life: "But, if I get to choose here, what if I blow it? What if I choose the wrong thing?  Will you be disappointed?  Will I be outside of your will?"  ...and fear wounds the relationship.  Further, I never learn how to handle power favorably; and the only way to really learn is to screw it up sometimes.  You don't learn until you really get the consequences.  But if you live in constant fear of blowing it, you don't learn how to handle power-- You only learn fear.

Our capacity for choice is a bit unnerving.  We're given a lot of latitude when it comes to chosing.  But that latitude is wholly necessary for learning to handle power...and therefore love.  Love bestows power.

Sunday
Mar222009

Not about pragmatics

"There is a stage in the spiritual life in which we find God in ourselves -- this presence is a created effect of his love.  It is a gift of His, to us."  - Thomas Merton

Something bothers me about his quote: "There is a stage...." might imply that God's presence only enters us at a certain point of the Christian life, causing one to wonder if he or she has reached that stage.  But this may not have been what Merton meant.  Perhaps he meant that there is a point in which you become acutely aware that God is within you, though he's been there ever since you let him in.

There is also something beautiful about the quote:  the idea that "this presence is a created effect of his love.  It is a gift of His, to us."  Here's another way of saying that, "I am in you because I love you."

Not just to get something done.

Not merely for the sake of others.

Not to shape you up.

Rather, "I am in you, foremost, because I love you."